What this VC has learned since coming back from mat leave.

I’m a partner at Localglobe, the seed stage VC firm. I’m also 3 months back in at work after the birth of my second baby, a delicious 8 month old chubba-bubba. I certainly don’t have it all figured out — this stuff is hard —and I know it comes from a place of great financial and health privilege — but a few friends in the industry have asked me how I make things work, and while I would never claim to be an expert, this is what I have found:

Who you marry/co-parent with matters. A lot.

• Last year, The Harvard Business Review published a thought provoking article that came out of a survey Robin Ely did of Harvard Business School (my alma mater) graduates. When they graduated ‘ More than half the men expected their careers to take precedence over their wives’ careers (…). Almost no women expected their own careers to come first” (!!!) What they did expect was egalitarian marriages.
• There’s an ebb and flow to who is picking up the slack at home, but if it’s always the mother, it’s inevitable that her career is going to suffer. It’s often compounded in some traditional, usually heterosexual, marriages when women marry men who are that little bit older, so that little bit more established in their careers, better/paid, etc. so on the face of it, it makes sense for the woman to dial things down if needed — but then the gap with their partner gets wider and wider. Families make decisions for all kinds of reasons that work for them and that’s great and as it should be! But it can come as a shock to the system to be the default parent in a partnership where everything was previously very equal — remember most of those men expect their career to come first.
• I’m incredibly lucky. My husband is amazing. He is a terrific father who is just as involved as I am, and had a great model in his own dad — a primary school headmaster — who was able to spend loads of time with his children growing up, especially in the school holidays. My husband also works for a good employer with generous parental leave policy which meant that he was able to take time off when our kids were born to be with me, which ended up setting up this equal parenting dynamic. He knows the kids’ shoe size, what vaccinations they’ve had, and who their friends are. He’s brilliant, but it’s really hard, and can’t be negotiated in a vaccuum, which bring me to structural/employer accommodation.

A supportive management team and partnership.

• I was the first woman to have a baby at Localglobe, and we didn’t have a maternity policy until I was 6 months along. Anecdotally, this has been the case for a few VC partnerships I know. I know how fortunate I am to live in a country with guaranteed paid maternity leave and importantly, free healthcare at point of service (yay-NHS, which was utterly, stunningly magnificent, but that’s another post). This meant that finances around the birth and for the time I wouldn’t be working were a big — but not the biggest — part of the “shall-we/shan’t-we” conversation around having another child. (That wasn’t the case for the insane, ridiculous, eye-watering cost of childcare though — more on that below. )
• The uncertainty around what the policy would be wasn’t great though. and I was very fortunate that my partners generously agreed a 5 month fully paid mat leave. And here’s the amazing thing. With something like two weeks to go before going on a 5 month leave, just after closing the next fund, the partnership gave me a raise. They knew I wouldn’t be working for 5 months, and they could easily have waited. That kind of recognition breeds incredible loyalty. Women will return to work where they feel valued.
• Family is important to all the partnership. Its genesis is a family, father/son firm. Half of us have children. Saul occasionally brings his kids in to work. Robin sometimes posts photos of his ridiculously cute grandchildren on the team Whatsapp. George sent a note in today that he was working from home because his daughter’s nursery was snowed out. Remus has a portfolio career in part to spend time with his kids. Julia’s investment interests are partly inspired by her daughter. And it’s not just the parents. Mish, Rodrigo and Rose love kids. Emma is a devoted auntie. And last but very much not least, a very special shout out to my partner Suzanne who did such a fantastic job of maternity cover while I was out. I have been very, very lucky. But here’s the thing — these things should be the norm, not the exception. People should be able to bring their whole, authentic selves to work and some of that is having — and talking — about their families.

Living as near work as you can.

• Seriously, this is my top tip. It’s the only reason that my husband James and I can make our lives work. I don’t know how people who commute long distances are able to manage two full-on careers and nursery/childminder drop offs in different places, dealing with emergencies and so on.

Trusted childcare.

• My mother always says you’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child. We’ve been very fortunate indeed to have high-quality childcare on our doorstep that our kids are happy to attend. My daughter’s much loved childminder now looks after our son, and our daughter is at a local nursery where she has made friends. It isn’t always plain sailing though — like when she says “I don’t want to be the last one to be collected today, Mummy”. I’m leaving a bit earlier on the days I can and making the time up in uninterrupted emailing time after she goes to bed.

Take advantage of the technology

• Whatsapp has been a lifesaver for feeling connected to the portfolio and my partners while I was on leave, and for keeping grandparents, aunts and uncles abreast of the children’s antics. Some people dislike the blurring of their work and home lives, but it worked for me.

The beauty of the stay-cation.

• Travelling with small children is hideous. I’ve completely surrendered to this. Our eldest had been on half-a-dozen plane rides by 6 months to visit far flung family. We haven’t even filled in the baby’s passport forms. My husband and I have embraced the staycation. An important part of this is keeping the kids in childcare a couple of the days and having some time tooling around London together. It feels like playing hooky and it’s brilliant.

It takes time to settle in.

• This bit is harder to talk about. When I came back, I can admit I was more thin-skinned than usual. I mistook absolutely genuine offers of support for expressions of doubt about my competence. It’s easily done, and now that I’m a few months back in the saddle, I look back and wish I could give my old self a hug and also give her a kick and tell her to accept offers of help a LOT more graciously.

Network matters

• It’s been so important to me to see and talk to other parents juggling work and family life. In no particular order, I’ve been heartened by the following over the last few months:
• Megumi Ikeda at Hearst organised a Mummy VC lunch while I was on mat leave, and it was such a confidence boost seeing so many of the other women back at work and doing a brilliant job. Role-models matter.
• Joe & Wendy White of EF and BGF passing on precious tips about the childcare benefits policy they put into place at MoonFruit. We’ve now put the same policy in place at Localglobe and recommended it to all portfolio companies and it’s amazing! Saves a ton of money at no cost to employers. Information matters.
• In the fog of just coming back to work, an immensely cheering phone call with Beezer Clarkson at Sapphire. Mentorship matters.
• A very funny breakfast with Tracy Doree of Kindred where we talked about grandparents, hormones and breast pumps. Laughter matters.
• A great lunch with Maria Wagner of Beringea where we talked about the rush of leaving before nursery closes, supporting/not supporting portfolio companies during leave, and the fact that second kids sometimes get a bit of a raw deal. Talking about (the never-ending) guilt matters.

Network matters.

FemaleFounders.VC

In short, I can’t overstate the importance of role models and network. And that’s why my partners Suzanne (who just wrote a great piece on funding more women in tech), Julia and I, inspired by our friends in the US, set up FemaleFounders.vc in London, which is building a community of female entrepreneurs and investors. We know that smaller networks are an issue for female founders, and we want to level the access to investment. Data from DiversityVC shows that only 27% of the workforce in digital industries is female and only 13% of decision makers in VC are women. We want to change representation for female entrepreneurs and investors (who often end up being the same people at different points in their careers).

Because as I’ve learned yet again over the past few months, it’s much easier to be what you can see.